By Nita Wilkinson

Faith Editor

I was on my way to the hospital because a dear friend was dying. I didn’t just pray and ask God for healing; I screamed at Him. Screaming at the top of my lungs, waves of tears falling down my face, pounding the steering wheel, and not able to catch my breath kind of screaming.

This was beyond even ugly crying.

I told God He was making a huge mistake and He would be sorry if He took Brad. Then, I got completely silent, tears slowing and I said to God, “You have the power to heal him, so you need to just do that. Then the world will be right again.”

Somewhere in the silence, I knew this wasn't God's plan. So I went right back to screaming at Him again. And you know what? That’s OK. My anger is no match for Elohim, El Shaddai for Yahweh.

Brad died 18 hours later. I grieved for the loss of a man of God who was bold and loud for Jesus, for my beautiful friend who lost the love of her life and the father of her children, and for his boys whose very identity was wrapped in their Daddy.

Friends, there is so much power in our lament. David often lamented in his psalms. He isn’t afraid to show God everything in his heart. Because He trusts God, and God wants our authentic selves, including the hard and ugly.

God wants us to be honest with him and trust Him with our hearts, too. He wants to hear what we are feeling, what we are angry about, and what we are afraid of. I mean, He already knows, so there’s no point in hiding it. When we take our pain to God, when we trust Him with our fears, He is already waiting.

Lamenting sounds heavy and messy. Because it is! Yet, God won't leave us or forsake us even when we are being honest and angry at Him. I am so grateful He won’t leave me just because I’m mad at Him.

Our world is angry, divided and hurting, even among our Christian friends. What if each one of us took our hurt, our offense, our loss and our fear directly to God, even if it looks and feels messy? What if we scream at Him until He takes our hearts to a place of praise and worship?

There is so much beauty in trusting God to use my lament to move me past the pain and into a place of praise and worship. I want to lay out all my angst at the feet of God, letting Him take on my burdens and my most desperate laments. That’s when He slowly turns my heart toward praise and worship - not because the pain disappears, but because His presence never does.

They conspire, they lurk, they watch my steps,hoping to take my life.

Because of their wickedness do not let them escape; in your anger, God, bring the nations down.

Record my misery; list my tears on your scroll— are they not in your record?

Then my enemies will turn back when I call for help.

In God, whose word I praise, in the Lord, whose word I praise — in God I trust and am not afraid. What can man do to me? Psalm 56:6-11 ■