By Nita Wilkinson

Faith Editor

The alarm screamed at 6:30 a.m. I reached over, silenced it, grabbed my Bible, read the Psalm I'd chosen for the day, prayed for my husband, my kids and the ever-growing list of people in my planner. By 6:42, I was on my feet.

Twelve whole minutes with Jesus.

I was leading Bible studies, serving in ministry, studying Scripture, reading Christian books and faithfully working through my prayer list. From the outside, I was doing all the "right" things.

But inside, I felt far from God. The more I thought about it, I realized my time with God had become another task to complete. Read the Bible. Check. Pray. Check. Read a few pages of the book on my nightstand. Check.

I am a list person. I love crossing things off. At work, lists are wonderful because the goal is to finish the task. My relationship with Jesus shouldn't be a task.

Somewhere along the way, I traded delight for discipline. I was going through the motions of spiritual growth without actually lingering in God's presence. Even ministry became another item on my to-do list.

Far too often I have to fight finding my worth in accomplishment. I like goals. I like productivity. I like looking back at the end of the month and seeing everything I've finished.

The problem is that Jesus never asked me to measure my faithfulness by a completed checklist.

When I read the story of Mary and Martha in Luke 10, I’ve always been Mary. In this season however, I was much more like Martha.

Mary sat at Jesus' feet, captivated by every word He spoke. Martha welcomed Him, served Him and worked hard to honor Him, but she became distracted by everything that needed to be done.

There's nothing wrong with serving Jesus, the problem comes when serving Jesus keeps us from simply being with Him. The irony is that Martha was standing in the presence of Jesus, yet her heart wasn't resting with Him.

That realization hit me harder than I wanted to admit. I've been in seasons where I've been surrounded by Bible studies, ministry opportunities and good Christian work, yet still found myself longing for the closeness with Jesus that I thought all those things would produce.

It turns out you can be busy doing things for God while neglecting to simply sit with Him.

Maybe you've been there too. Maybe you've been faithfully serving your church, teaching a class, volunteering or caring for your family, only to realize your soul feels weary instead of full. If so, you're not alone.

The good news is that Jesus isn't asking us to accomplish more. He's inviting us to come closer.

Proverbs 16:9 reminds us, "In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps."

Sometimes the holiest thing we can do isn't finish another task. Sometimes it's putting the list down, sitting at the feet of Jesus and remembering that His presence, not our productivity, is where our joy is found. ■